the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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