I am spending my child support on dildos
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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