Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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