You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
