I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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