Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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