idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
