Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
