seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
