I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing