come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...