u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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