yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
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My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
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listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.