it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?