u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
