Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
