Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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