We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The best revenge is premature balding
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
did you just send me my own nude
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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