Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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