Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
