wanna go halves on a baby?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
