he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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