So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
