their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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