Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize