I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The air was thick with penises
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
