ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
