i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
