i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
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didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
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Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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