so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
