Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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