Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
