I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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