Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
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I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
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If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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