she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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