I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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