Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
