Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
