This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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