why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
