I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
