And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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