Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
