OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
