it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
