your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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