he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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