I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
