I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
