When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
