how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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