at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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