She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
