I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
