respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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