Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
