so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
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she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
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I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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