im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
