how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
