Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Randomize
