To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
