I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
