hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
