If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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