I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Randomize
