Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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