whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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