with your own penis?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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