Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
