Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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