Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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