I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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