he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
