We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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