It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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