one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
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