): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
