The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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