what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
