yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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