i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
