We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
