Fuck appropriateness.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i believe in u and ur pee
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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