I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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