can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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