so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
