I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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