she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
